Purpletj's Weblog

Confused

purpletj — Tue, 17 May 2011 07:50:31 +0000

I am so confused these days. All I really want is to be loved by a guy, but that doesn’t seem like it is going to happen these days. I’m in love with a guy who has broken my heart a number of times. I don’t even really know why because I put up with a lot of his crap like for instinst when he would come home from drill and be holding me and talking to our friends who were also our roomates he would say this one girl and I almost had sex in the bathroom. He would act like I wasn’t even there and that it shouldn’t bother me. I don’t know why love has to be so confusing and hurt. I was willing to marry him and be with him forever and now I don’t know what to do. I am hoping that over time I wont love him and that I can move on and find someone that really does love me.

WATS BEEN GOING ON WITH ME

purpletj — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 01:10:58 +0000

well life has been going good u could say. Im doing better I miss all my friends and hope I get to see them soon. I miss my brothers like crazy, but everything will turn out ok soon.

Hey

purpletj — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 17:44:36 +0000

Hey I have been extremly busy lately. I miss my family a lot. There are so many guys that wan to date me right now, but Im not sure that I want to date anyone at the momment. I have so many things going on right now that I don’t know what to do with all of it. I haven’t been getting enopugh sleep lately because I have been stressing about where Im going to live and when I will get to see my family. My family means the world to me and I don’t know what I would do with out a family. I really can’t wait til I get to see my sister again I miss her and love her so much. I want to be able to see my family happy again and if that means having my sister stay with me and geting my brothers to visit then thats what I will do. I am tired of seeing and hearing my sister in so much pain because when she is in pain I am in pain as well. I hope she knows How much I love and miss her.

boys

purpletj — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 21:59:11 +0000

Boys drive me nuts. They tell mke that they love me. They then tell me that Im the only girl for them, but then they don’t want anything to do with me. I don’t know what I am supose to do when they tell me that they want me back. It’s just so confusing do they love me or not. Boys just need to make up their minds and quit hurting girls like me and then try to geet us back. I’ll I want is someone to talk to and isn’t going to leave when I let my guard down. Im just sick of it all. I wish they knew how bad it hurts me when they tell me they are leaving and it even hurts when they say they want me back. It hurts just thinking about it. I hope somday that they are not like this and that they understand the pain that they can cause for one girl when they tell her that they love her and then leave!

Im so bored lately!!!!!

purpletj — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 22:51:32 +0000

I have been so bored lately. No place to go. A lot of my friends can never hang out and I just feel out of place these days. I wish I could have something to do in my free time and everything wouldn’t seem so boring. Maybe if I got out to do things I would meet new people to hang out with.

Everyday I think about the one guy I ever really loved and how much he hurt me when he broke up with me. I wish he only new how I still care deeply about him. I haven’t dated anyone since the big break up and he didn’t even keep his promise that he would stay friends with me. He has been such a jerk lately. I don’t know what to do about it or anything anymore. I hope someday he will see what he was missing, but I also hope that it will be too late for him and that I will already have someone speacial in my life who is not going to ever hurt me like he did. Sometimes I really do wish we were still together, but in the end I think I would have been misserable at how he was a control freak. And he got jjealous way to easily, but the sad thing is everbody is probaly right when they say that if he came crawling back to me that they know I would take him back in a heart beat. I will keep my promise I had made to him when we were together that I would always love him.

Hey Everyone I Have exciting news!!!!!

purpletj — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 16:42:22 +0000

Hey everyone I got my braces off. My teeth feel wierd now, But now everyone tells me I have a beautiful smile. I’m so glad that they r finally off. I have a few more months before I graduate and I can’t wait to move out and be on my own. I hope I will still have the friends that I really care about. I miss everything about being in love and I would do almost anything to to get the one person I love back into my life. I think that would be great. I miss it so much. I also wish that I had my family all back together because my family wherever they are still means the world to me and they always will. Especcially my to younger brothers it’s like they were my kids. I have been there for both of them since the day they were born. I wish I didn’t have to leave them to go off and be on my own. I did tell them that no matter where I am at they can always call or come visit me. I hope they no how much I care for them and love them.

Remembering

purpletj — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 21:27:46 +0000

I like remebering the old times. Like when I was younger how I got to hang out with my mom or the fact that I use to talk on the phone with Jeremy all the time when we were friends. I can remember everything that has ever happened to my and family I. I wish that some things could last forever because I lost the one person that I ever loved. In fact he was the only person besides my family that I really loved. I wish that he were still apart of my life today. I remember us talking about growing old together and how we were going to love each other for ever. I sometimes wish he knew how much he still means to me this day.

Lost

purpletj — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 16:35:36 +0000

I’m in love with a guy who doesn’t love me anymore. I don’t know wat to do. I want to tell him how I feel, but I’m to scared to tell him. I don’t know how he will react.

My Birthday

purpletj — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 21:33:36 +0000

Today is my birthday. My birthday has been pretty boring so far. I thought it would be a whole lot better turning a new age. It could be a whole lot5 better though. How many of us have had a sucky birthday in our lives. I mean shouldn’t it be one of your best days every year.

School memories

purpletj — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 16:39:10 +0000

I can remember my first big day in kindergarten. I started the school year late because my mom didn’t think I was ready to go to school. My mother tried to get me in the same class as my cousin who was also one of my best friends at the time. There was no more room in that class so they put me in the class next door. I walked in and all the other kids were looking at me. I felt really shy and hid behind my step dad. While my mom was talking to the teacher a boy came up to me and asked my name and then asked if I would like to sit with him. His name was Chris Fitzpatrick. We became really good friends over that year. Later I would find out that we liked each other as more than friends.
In the second grade my mom got married to Stephen N Stinson and so we moved to Pennsylvania to be with his family. I had made a lot of new friends and I was happy. Then one day at lunch my parents were meeting with my teacher and she told them I was not ready for the second grade. The very next day I was put back into first grade. Then at lunch I couldn’t sit with my old friends because the school decided that each grade needed to sit with their own grade. Eventually my parents decided they missed everyone in Pendleton Oregon. We then moved back and my step dad’s relatives came with us. When we got there I was put back in the second grade. My parents then found out that Oregon had a slower school system than any other state. When I got to go to school again I didn’t think I would know anyone. When the teacher Mrs. Gregory was introducing me to the class a boy stood up and said he remembered who I was. The boy was Chris Fitzpatrick my friend from kindergarten. When I heard him say he remembered me I smiled and blushed. My old friends and I started hanging out again during recess. We loved being chased by boys. The summer before third grade I would see Chris at the Till Taylor Swimming pool. We would hangout with each other at the pool. We had water splash balls and we would through them at each other. We would dunk each other in the pool. There was a special day and it was the last time we saw each other until the ninth grade we were hanging out at the pool like usual and we had become pretty close. I had fallen down in the water and he pulled me up out of the water. He was holding me and then he leaned down to kiss me, but didn’t get to because as soon as our parents realized what was happening they called our names and said it was time to go home. The funny thing is they both said it at the same time and they were nowhere near each other. I thought about him a lot over the rest of the summer.

In the fifth grade I had the same set of friends and there were some of them I wish I hadn’t told my secrets to. One day I was hanging out with my friend Kimmie and she asked me if I liked any guys in our class. I told her that I liked Kyle Devore. Seconds later she was over there asking him if he would be her boyfriend. she had always been trying to get on my nerves. When I Talked to Kyle he would talk about Kimmie. I didn’t talk to him until the eighth grade after that. He was my second crush and it hurt when she went and asked him out after I told her I liked him a lot. I was so mad at her. We quit being friends after that.

When I got to middle school all of my elementary friends became popular and so they quit hanging out with me. I met a whole bunch of my cousin’s friends to hangout with. My cousin was my best friend when we were younger before she became my cousin, but she started being mean to me when her other friends were around. In the seventh grade I met Nikki Langhston who became my best friend. She moved from the Dalles. I can remember on her first day of school she told the guy I liked that she liked him and he told me he was embarrassed. The guys name was Austin Bixler. Every day that I was at school those few days we both flirted with him. If she put something in his bag I would run and tell him what she put in his back pack. She had once put a snow ball in his back pack and I told him about it because I didn’t want it to melt all over his homework. Ever day there was these twins who would go around and say that Austin was either dating Nikki or I. Each day they had switched it and thought it was hilarious. I only went to school for a part of the year because my grandmother got sick. My mom pulled me out of school and started home schooling me. Then after a couple of weeks she wasn’t home schooling me anymore. She was having me take care of my sibling. My siblings were ages were a year and a three year old. I took care of my other sibling to eventually because my mom pulled them out of school to. My mom was never there to help me with the kids.

I missed the first few months of my eighth grade year. Ten my siblings and I were taken in by the state. I was so mad at my mom for giving up on all of us kids. I cried a lot when she was telling me goodbye. She told me she was going to come back and get us kids and we were going to be a family again. She only visited us three times that year. She eventually quit coming around to see us.Also in the eighth grade I dated my brothers best friend at the time. He was my first actual boyfriend. That summer I went to my first civil war reenactment with my second foster family. My second foster family was my brother Kenneth and sister Krystianna’s grandmother. On the way to the reenactment all we talked about was this guy my grandmother wanted me to meet and how cute he was. When we picked up one of my grandmothers friends daughter on the way she was telling me my grandmother was wrong and the guy was really ugly. So when we got to the reenactment I was expecting to see an ugly guy. She was so wrong when I saw him I thought he was the cutest guy I had ever seen in my life. His name was Jeremy Archer. Him and I talked all night the first time we met. We talked about how I didn’t like my boyfriend anymore and how I was going to break up with him when I got back home. when I went back home I was being moved from my foster home to another one.

I then went to Pendleton High School for a year and a half. During my freshman year I moved to another foster home. the begining of my sophmore year Jeremy archer called me and told me that he liked me. I broke the news to him that I already had a boyfriend and he kept calling me until I was single. It was very sweet. I remember the day I came home and he calleed and I was crying because I found out my boyfriend had been cheating on me and when I told him he then asked me out right away. I told him yes. A month later I met my new foster parents and then I stayed in the foster home I was in for another week. I then moved to Eugene to be with my new foster family. I have been going to churchill high school for three years now and Im happy where im at.